George Parker: my agency, ads and person of the year

Agency of the year


No surprise, ‘cos I’ve been pimping them all year. I’m with Mike Lee for all the logical reasons he lays out… Plus, any agency with the balls to sell a client a wonderful spot like the one they did for Hennessy Cognac, that doesn’t rely on some rap star’s predilection for uber expensive booze… And is instead based on Donald Campbell’s land speed record attempts that took place before most of the target audience was born, and only shows the product for the last five seconds of a 90-second spot… Then to cap it all, has Hitler doing the voice over! (it’s actually Austrian shrink Viktor Frankl). Well, all I can say is… Fuck Big Data, I’m going with Big Balls.


Network of the year


Yes, I actually said WPP. Me, the guy who loves to pour shit on the Poisoned Dwarf’s empire at every opportunity. Let me explain… Ever since the announcement of the creation of OmniPube, Sir Martin has been travelling the world giving speeches in exotic locations strenuously denying that he has any intention of swallowing up Interpublic… Which obviously means, that’s exactly what he intends to do.

There is no way, having spent most of his life creating the world’s biggest and most evil holding company, he is going to allow himself to be pushed down into the number two slot by a Yank and a Frog. Which means that along with “Team Ford” – “Team Mazda” – “Team Royal Enfield,” we can now look forward to “Team GM.” Believe me, WPP/Pubic will happen. ‘Cos His Gnomeship has always got what he wanted. Just ask David Ogilvy.


Ad/Campaign of the year

From some outfit with a weird name in Denmark!

It’s not their fault that like too many agencies, they have a dumb name… &Co, but, on behalf of their client, Jack & Jones they have created a classic with Christopher Walken with their ‘Made from Cool’ campaign. Even the knitting one is better than the Oz version of ‘Vaginal Knitting.’ Well, that just my humble opinion. Oh, and check out the expression on the sheep’s face in this one (the last one in the campaign below). God knows what the Jack & Jones gear must cost the punters to allow them to pay for Walken… But next spring &Co will definitely walk with Kryptonite Lions.


Person of the year

Cindy Gallop

imagesOh yes indeed, anyone who has transmogrified from being an ad legend running BBH US, to the Uber-Queen of tasteful porn deserves my deep admiration. As the founder of ‘MakeLoveNotPorn,’ Cindy was obliged to go through a series of sexual experiences with younger men, proving that for the sake of science, one must be prepared to make certain sacrifices.

She also deserves the MAA Person of the Year award for sending an open letter to David “I ride Rebekah’s horses to death” Cameron, titled ‘Don’t Block Porn, Disrupt It’, in which she calls on the prime minister to ‘Reinvent human sexuality as entertainment in innovative, healthier ways, and turn the British porn industry into something to be proud of.” Fuck, yeah… Anyone who’s most memorable quote is… “I like to blow shit up,” will always get my vote.


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