Welcome one and all to this week’s top Snapfax shreds, where we empty our waste paper bin of wretchedness to see what’s been shredded most by our merciless machine connected to our fax fed by the internet.
In at Number Five it’s a return to Britain’s favourite topic of conversation (after Brexit nowadays) – the weather. Well, not just the weather, but in particular, the naming of severe winter storms.
Storm Angus hit the UK on November 20, and the next one will be called Barbara. Barbara! Bloody Barbara! Followed by Conor, Doris, Ewan, Fleur and Gabriel, which will probably take us up to Christmas. If we’re unlucky enough to get 21 major storms in the season (they don’t use Q, U, X, Y and Z), we end up with Wilbert. Wilbert, for heaven’s sake!
We understand that the idea behind naming storms is to raise awareness, but surely the public can come up with scarier-sounding names? Still, guess we’re lucky that we’re not going to be buffeted by Stormy McStormface when it gets to the letter ‘s’. Come on Great Britain, up your storm naming game or the shredder gets it again…
In at Number Four, is Kanye West. It seems you have little sympathy for the rapper, despite his recent hospitalisation for ‘exhaustion.’ We reckon it’s because the Gold Digger star said live on stage that he would have voted for Donald Trump in the American presidential elections, just before he cancelled his US tour. Get well soon Kanye – but cut the Trump crap, yeah?
Talking of whom, Trump is still in the charts this week at Number Three. The president-elect continues to worry the world and send them scurrying to the shredder with the latest news that he’s not bothering himself with intelligence briefings. Perhaps the incoming leader of the free world thinks he knows best about national security, as is his wont about most things. And he’s hired Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn as his national security adviser – a man who has called Islam a “vicious cancer inside the body of 1.7 billion people” that has to be “excised.” It’s all going so swimmingly!
In at Number Two meanwhile, it’s City University, where students have voted to ban The Sun, The Express and The Daily Mail from campus – which ironically is home to one of the biggest journalism departments in the country. It seems you are no fans of censorship and the venerable education establishment got more shredded than a student at a one pound a pint night.
But at Number One, it’s Apple. There are a plethora of possible reasons, but we reckon it’s the news that not only are they already working on yet ANOTHER new iPhone just weeks after the latest model hit the shops (enough already!), but that British design genius Sir Jonathan Ive has taken more of a backseat when it comes to producing the company’s kit. That just takes the pip. It seems you Apple fans don’t find the news very a-peeling and sent you scurrying in swathes to the shredder. But don’t panic – just pop to Claridge’s, as Jony has designed their Christmas decorations this year. Consider it an early festive gift, Snapfax fans…