Welcome back, Snapfax fans – those of you who can’t get enough of our fax machine fed from the internet and attached to a single shredder, to discover who are this week’s favourite shreds.
This week, we have taken a Tom Daley-level deep dive into our stats and gone through more shredded paper than would satisfy a horde of hamsters to discover the nation’s current biggest bugbears.
Turns out it’s an all-new shredding top five, with Olympic standard sprints to the office shredder.
Coronation Street cobble botherer and former X Factor winner Shayne Ward was a late day five shredding entry after he was left red-faced and weary handed after a sex tape leaked of the star ‘pleasuring himself.’
As offices nationwide choked on their flat whites, the ‘That’s My Goal’ singer who now plays Weatherfield’s Aiden Connor was all over the internet in a video filmed whilst he was talking sauce and issuing forth as it were to a mystery temptress.
It seems that Ward has become something of a 2016 Leslie Grantham, which left everyone nauseously dashing from their desks to the electronic decimator of doom, leaving the star’s reputation (and photo) in ribbons.
Julian Assange meanwhile has snuck in at Number Four, though we suspect this might be down to the WikiLeaks founder himself getting friends to repeatedly shred pics of his own face in protest at the Ecuadorian Embassy cutting off his internet.
Coincidentally, friend of Julian Assange Dame Vivienne Westwood sashayed into Number Three after a diatribe in which she slated US presidential candidate Hillary Clinton as “evil,” thereby inadvertently giving support to arch misogynist Donald Trump. Way to get shredded, Viv.
There was another blow for the sisterhood at Number Two, which saw Theresa May’s visage mangled as she still refused to reveal her hand regarding plans for Brexit, as inflation rose and the pound tumbled further.
But at Number One, it’s Sir Philip Green, after MPs called for the ‘billionaire spiv’ to be stripped of his knighthood after the BHS debacle in which he flogged the high street giant for a quid, only for it to collapse with debts of £571million.
Stripped and shredded – just how we like our multimillionaire shop destroyers, it seems.
Snapfax was invented by independent London agency Brothers and Sisters.