Welcome once more, Snapfax fans, to our round up of the top shreds of the last seven days, a week that left the world reeling and our shredder connected to an internet fax machine squealing.
As 2016 continued to be a year most of us want to disappear, Nigel Farage, the politician who just won’t vanish was still galumphing about in the news.
The interim Ukip leader is in at Number Five this week after slamming Barack Obama as a “loathsome creature” and joking about Trump’s alleged sexual assaults, saying he’d better not grope Theresa May when they meet.
Talking to James Whale on TalkSport radio, Farage said: “Come and schmooze Theresa – don’t touch her, for goodness sake.”
He continued: “That Obama creature – a loathsome individual who couldn’t stand our country. He said we’d be at the back of the queue, didn’t he? What was interesting was that Trump said we’d be at the front of the queue. This is a big opportunity for all British business because once we’ve left that awful EU thing we can do our first trade deal with the United States of America. Isn’t that great? I couldn’t be happier.”
Clearly, his warm fuzzy feeling was not shared with the UK’s general populace and our shredder went into meltdown.
At Number Four, it’s the weather. Talking about it is of course what us Brits excel at, but the sudden drop in temperature from shirt sleeves to snow shovels in some parts of the UK has shot meteorological moaning into the stratosphere (ironically avoiding the weather in the troposphere below, atmosphere aficionados).
At Number Three are yellow cartoon Cassandras The Simpsons. No really – they foretold Donald Trump.
The animated doodles of doom predicted a Trump presidency 16 years ago in an episode called Bart to the Future, which saw a grown-up Lisa Simpson elected to the Oval Office after President Trump has tanked the economy.
The writers thought their impossible prophecy was funny at the time, as it would never happen as America would never be that insane. Oh, how we’re laughing now…
Holding at Number Two is Trump again for obvious reasons. We feel he may be in the Top Five for some time…
But forget the outcome of the US election. The most shredded this week? Straight in at Number One – Toblerone. The sugary treat enraged you more than anything else when it emerged the number of triangles had been cut – cue a mass outbreak of shredding by sweet-toothed Brits in offices across the country.
Mondelez, the makers of the Swiss chocolate bar, say they’re having to ‘shrinkflate’ Toblerone in the UK because of the rising cost of ingredients post Brexit vote. The 400g bar is now 360g and instead of 15 triangles it now features a measly 11.
Do they really think their explanation will placate us over the erosion of their nougaty Alpine peaks and stop our shredding? We should cocoa!