Jane Austin: how will we survive all the Cannes Lions survival guides?

In advance of Cannes this year, I’ve noticed a worrying trend sweeping LinkedIn. Everyone and their pet rabbit is posting their survival tips for Cannes.

Obviously, surviving Cannes Lions is subject that gets a lot of clicks. And I’m aware I’m in no position to cast aspersions. I’ve written those kinds of pieces myself over the years. But people, this is not Vietnam.

But this year it seems like more people than ever are piling on with Cannes survival content. There’s so much out there on this topic that people are running out of sensible tips to give like up the meds and surrender disbelief.

At least that’s the only explanation I can think of for some of the more inane bits of Cannes advice that have shown up in my feed recently, such as: “Make a photo album of your outfits before you go”. But I see Cannes Lions has teamed up with Pintrest to offer such service on its website called “Your Cannes Lions, Your Aesthetic”. For older readers that aesthetic would be inspired by 1980’s TV series Tenko where a group of women are interned in a Japanese prisoner of war camp in 1942.

“Don’t break in new shoes”; “Eat a cooked breakfast in the morning”, “don’t forget your sunglasses”, “if you have blisters, go to a French pharmacy”, “take a plug adapter” or my particular favourite: “Wear Lycra shorts under your skirt to prevent chafing “or if you’re feeling particularly adventurous smear your thighs with corn-starched based powder.”

Also, if one more person says to bring electrolytes I will implode. What’s wrong with plain water? I used to sit on the Carlton Terrace having back-to-back meetings for 8-hours straight daily during Cannes week, with nothing but tap water, some Bombay mix, and a few espressos to keep me compos mentis. Then I would eat my emotions.

What does it say about our industry that we need this much handholding just to attend an industry event? It’s not like ad agency people are flying first class and mainlining Krug anymore. Or are they? I thought the days of a client calling me at night to say that the sound of the sea was keeping him awake was over. Clearly a communications 101, I suggested that he might like to close this window.

Perhaps it’s because the industry has been taken over by the tech elite, who are so cosseted that they struggle anytime they set foot outside their climate-controlled luxury lifestyles.

All of which reminds me that I need to do my own prep for Cannes. Brace brace

Jane Austin is the founder and owner of Persuasion. Communications.