There’s nothing more important in the ad biz than getting a shoe account. Think about it. Would Wieden+Kennedy exist today if they hadn’t picked up Nike a hundred years ago? Would all those sport jocks have become millionaires if they hadn’t become “Brand Ambassadors” for glorified tennis shoes? Would all the agencies with shoe accounts have been able to bore the shit out of us for years with all those TV spots that looked exactly alike?
Which is why in the “You can’t make this shit up category,” the news last week that U.S. Sneaker Company Allbirds Plans to Pivot to A.I. is so important. Yes, a failing shoe company is signing on for the upcoming apocalyptic future of everything… Fucking A.I. The company says it plans to buy lots of “powerful techie stuff” and re-brand itself as NewBird AI.
The company, once the maker of Silicon Valley’s favorite shoe (fur lined Crocs?) went public in 2021. Five, zero profit, years later, it sold its failing business to a brand management company for $39 million. We are now told that an unnamed investor (code name for idiot) had agreed to cough up $50 million to finance a shift to A.I. infrastructure. That money, the company said, will be used to buy the aforementioned “powerful techie stuff,” which they will then use to analyze enormous amounts of eye watering meaningless data, even though $50 million is a drop in the bucket for an industry that measures spending in the tens of billions, soon to be trillions.
We should however consider that some of NewBird AI. millions will be utilized in the search for and hiring of an ad agency. One that is capable of being at the forefront of the AI revolution, rather than the demise of the shoe imperium. Come to think of it though, if AI is as wonderful as we are constantly told, NewBird AI. can create its own advertising, which will be as mediocre as everyone else s AI produced advertising… But a lot cheaper. Welcome to the A.I. Ad Biz 2026!
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