764 UK TV channels and still nothing on!

I’m home alone whilst the other half is out on a posh event in the West End. It’s been a week or so of the same with her off to the Brits without me, last night at another do somewhere but we are actually going to the same black tie do on Saturday night, together!

I’ve had some food, OK, and probably had more vino as I’m on my own.

So let’s have a look at what TV has on offer tonight (Wednesday).

It is not great, I would go as far as saying rubbish from my POV and I wonder if I’m just on my own and out of touch with 62m other people in the UK.

I’m ready for a really good episode of Frost or something similar but here are the options at 9.00 pm:

BBC1 MasterChef. Hate it. That stupid female v/o is so irritating with her deep breaths. It’s the same old formula the BBC keeps pumping out.

BBC2 Two Jews on a Cruise. Do me a big favour. I’d rather run round the block naked.

ITV1 England vs Netherlands. Not my cup of tea sadly but I do get the interest. Next.

C4 One born every minute. A big struggle for me, midwives, labour, got to be for the girls.

C5 NCIS. Good idea but crap compared with UK versions such as Silent Witness.

And so it goes on through the long list of options. The rubbish rating seems to increase as one flicks through the never-ending channels. I find myself watching old episodes of Have I Got News for You because they are intelligent, funny, entertaining.

Also I have discovered something quite new. You know all of those ads for toilet cleaners that have disappeared from ITV 1? They are on obscure channels now. I can hear the media buyer saying, we are on Channels Z,W and X who have lots of sad people watching re-runs of Midsommer Murders. That’s me. I’m there because I can’t find quality on the main channels most of the time.

I keep seeing ads for furniture retailers that are all the same; I don’t have the foggiest idea which brand is which – they all have bargain furniture which will probably collapse in 12 months.

I do however believe there are some great productions on both main channels and I do bookmark the ones I feel I must watch. To be fair to the BBC and ITV they do a really good job on certain things which makes UK TV far far better than the US.

So to the programme planners may I make a small plea. Think slightly older bloke, been a bit of a rebel in his time, fairly comfortably off, likes good old UK drama (Morse for example) loves Noel Gallagher’s new album, not a footie fan, likes to think he is intelligent, definitely a baby boomer and, even though the other half gets more invites out to posh do’s than him, can’t watch trivia.

Working out the age decades I think there are about 7m+ like me; weaned on The Beatles, fall about to Monty Python, think we are still at university, love iconic people like Jimi Hendrix, Steve Jobs, Branson et al, and we are not on the grid in terms of TV.

Maybe a new channel is called for. Re-runs of The Cream farewell concert at The Albert Hall, Not The 9 O’Clock News, Rising Damp, etc., etc.

So off to bed only to get woken up at 2.00 in the morning by a slightly tiddled woman who will fall asleep within a nanosecond of her head touching the pillow. Another great night in!

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About Paul Simons

Paul joined Cadbury-Schweppes in brand management and then moved to United Biscuits. He switched to advertising in his late 20s, at Cogent Elliott and then Gold Greenlees Trott. He founded Simons Palmer Denton Clemmow & Johnson in the late 80s, one of the leading creative agencies of the 90s. Simons Palmer then merged with TBWA to create a top ten agency. Paul then joined O&M as chairman & CEO of the UK group. After three years he left to create a new AIM-quoted advertising group Cagney Plc. He is now a consultant to a number of client companies. Paul also shares his thoughts on his blog. Visit Paul Simons Blog.