World exclusive! Wikileaks’ wicked leaks about world adland leaders

The Wikileaks revelations are sending the world’s politicians, diplomats and media into a funk, so there’s a danger that these explosive revelations about the CIA’s views of the world leaders of adland may be overlooked.

But they have come into our possession and, fearless to a fault, we’re going to share them with you.

The top ten (with ‘confidential’ comments) are:

1/Michael Roth (Interpublic). Should quit while he’s behind.

2/Maurice Levy (CEO Publicis). Behaves as though he’s an American in America but really he’s a Frenchman. But not as bad as Nicolas Sarkozy or Jacques Chirac.

3/Rupert Murdoch (CEO News Corporation). Isn’t the bastard really an Australian? What’s he doing running US media? Heart in the right place though.

4/Dave Droga (CEO Droga5). Another bloody Australian.

5/Silvio Berlusconi (prime minister Italy, boss Mediaset). It’s all Pfizer’s fault. If it wasn’t for that Viagra we’d be able to get some sense out of him.

6/Mark Thompson (director general BBC). Educated by Jesuits, went to Oxford. Clearly Russian spy. Can’t work out what his game is though.

7/Tina Brown. Another Russian spy. Has been operating under deep cover as editor of Vanity Fair, New Yorker, Talk and latterly Daily Beast. Now in control of Newsweek (which we still read). Red alert, highly dangerous.

8/Vincent Bollore (chairman Havas). Who? Sounds French.

9/ Sir Martin Sorrell (CEO WPP). The really interesting one, went to Cambridge and bears resemblance to Kim Jong-il (so clearly another spy). Likes Italian girls, said to have a Napoleon complex – or was it Napoleon with a Sorrell complex?

Controls sinister global organisation with 141,000 operatives.

10/Don Draper (partner Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce). High profile creative director, thought to be Korean War deserter. Agents having trouble tracking him down, probably quite old.

More will doubtless emerge in due course. We’ll keep you posted.

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